Trying to figure it all out....

This week Jamie, at Jamie Ridler Studios asks us, "What Luxury Do You Wish For?" 

It only took me a moment of pondering this weeks question.  I believe my heart actually took over for a bit and I feel this answer all the way down to my toes.

I'd so love to have the luxury of not living in my head ... to be able to unconsiously notice what's happening around me.  The call of crow ... a falling leaf ... the birds and squirrels eating from our feeders.  Right now it takes a lot for me to live in the present ... to be here now.

There are times I'm able to catch myself "living in my head".  Today was one of those days ... and it only lasted for about 15 minutes before my mind (ego) took over and went on its merry way of spinning wheels in my head.  Those brief moments are a joy though and I wonder how long I have to train myself to be here ... now.

To not live with this thing called depression or anxiety ... to release it and let the universe gobble it up.  To take all these thoughts, which hold me tightly, and just fling them out to the universe and say "here you go".  Then wipe my hands of them and go on my merry way of enjoying each and everything the universe has to show me.

That would be pure luxury ...

No, I do not usually clothes shop ... I can't even begin to tell you the last time I went shopping for clothes, it's been that long ago.  Yesterday I got a real wild hair and decided to break down and go. 

Three pair of cargo pants, three sweaters, three tops, a pocketbook and four and a half hours later I was back home thinking how much fun I'd had.  Yeah, must of been something in the air cause I'm more likely to buy something for someone else other than myself.  The wonderful husband and one of my friends told me it must be a sign I'm feeling better about myself.  I dunno ... either that or I'm tired of the same ole clothes year after year ... finally.

I'm thinking it's more in planning our trip down to Virginia this weekend.  I'm so excited as it's my granddaughter's first birthday.  When I told my mom I'd been shopping she replied "so you won't be wearing the jeans the dog chewed the pocket out of?"  Uhhhh...yeah...so it's been a really long time since I'd been shopping.  She got me my last pocket book ... ten years ago.  I'm not a shopper ... I use or wear something until it wears out. 

I even went to the mall ... I do not like malls.  Seeing as how they  had torn down the Old Navy and Borders in the strip mall beside the JCPenney (when did that happen?!), I really had no choice.  Unfortunately I didn't need to waste my time in the mall.  It seems the only size pants they had were either two's or sixteen's.  What happened to the sizes in between?!  They also didn't have a bookstore in the mall, so I ended up going down the street from us and picking "The Joy Diet" up from the Borders there. 

So ... yeah ... I'm still marveling that I spent four and a half hours shopping yesterday.  I was waiting for a huge thunder storm or something.  Wonder how many more years it'll be before I venture out again?!?

Luna asks .... and I say:

1. Disconnect :: Phone
2. Contribute :: Give back
3. Dismay :: Sad
4. Constant :: Chatter
5. Nails :: Hammer
6. Vibrate :: lol
7. Therapy :: Awesome
8. Stupid :: People
9. Poo :: Piglet
10. Commune :: Nature

Had trouble with dismay and vibrate made me laugh ... guess in my mind it's a silly word and brings about silly images.

Why all the twitching you may ask ... I'm asking the same thing.  This Klonopin withdrawel can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months.  I'm hoping mine will be of the couple of weeks type and I can stop this weird twitching and trembling.

I was told Klonopin is a narcotic and affects the central nervous system.  I was also told taking one pill was the equivalent of drinking two large glasses of wine.  When you deny your central nervous system this it complains ... and boy is it complaining.


As I type this my hands will sometimes jump from the key board.  If I'm using the mouse a twitch will cause me to lift my hand completely off the desk.  My legs have their own little dance going on.  It's just a weird feeling ... like I'm no longer in charge of my body parts.  Good thing I'm not a brain surgeon isn't it? 

I still had a productive day and tried to stay busy so I could ignore all the twitches.  Laundry was done, folded and put away.  I've found if I wash my clothes before the wonderful husbands I'm better at getting it folded and put away.  I'm known for leaving my laundry in the dryer for days ... talk about wrinkles.

I felt antsy so snuck out the porch door so the mutleys wouldn't go nuts and headed back to the tomato plants.  They looked so sad withering up and dying for the season.  I plucked any green tomatoes, which were hard as baseballs, and the yucky red ones and threw them in the small compost pile.  (Wow, the compost looks so awesome.  Can't wait to use it next spring.)  The plants themselves went into the large compost pile ... which was looking pretty good itself.  I like to call it "black gold".

I was weary of getting my cross stitch out, but it wasn't too bad.  I would twitch and sometimes have trouble hitting holes, but other than that I was very productive.  This sampler is so much fun to stitch.  For one thing the linen is so very soft it feels silky when I handle it.  Another plus is I'm doing this "in hand" instead of on a hoop.  I love, love, love stitching in hand.  It's so relaxing and calming.

This afternoon I decided to take a nap and sleep off some of the twitches.  To be honest I was getting irritated with them and wanted a break.  I didn't feel the least bit guilty like I can sometimes.  I felt like with my productive morning I deserved it ...

Woot ... another pumpkin stitched (on the far right) and I've got a start on the rake.  I even stitched a little bit on her dress (top left).  I feel like I got a lot accomplished on this wonderful piece this week.

Stitching with the oranges, yellows and browns in the pumkins while the leaves change outside is therapy in itself.  I haven't decided whether I'm going to work on this again this week or move on with the rotation. 

As I was stitching one night the wonderful husband stopped and watched for a bit.  He then made a comment about all those little x's making a beautiful painting.  He just doesn't understand how it happens.  Sometimes I don't either! :)

my cross stitch needles that is.  I finally made it back to Michael' today to pick up the pack of needles and floss I forgot on Saturday while I was there.

I left the house with a plan ... drop off my prescription ... head to Michael's ... then be at my pet sitting job at noon.  It didn't happen.  I was stuck in the line from hell at Michael's for twenty minutes.  It was okay as I made friends with the ladies surrounding.  We bitched and moaned together for a bit, but soon talked about our kids, grandkids and other life happenings.  The lady in front of me was even nice enough to give me a 40% off coupon.  The grand total of my purchase coming to $1.39.  It was worth the twenty minute wait to talk and get a good discount.

I miss having the Rag Shop right up the road.  It only took me about five minutes to get there, where as now it takes me twenty minutes to get to Michael's.  The closest cross stitch shop is thirty to forty minutes away.  Most of my stuff I order online, but when you only need a couple skeins of floss or a pack of needles (and need them immediately) Michael's is the only store left.  It's sad really.

So ... I'm happily stitching away and no longer have to keep changing the needle with each change of color.  It's going much faster and you'll be able to see the results tomorrow.   I'm really enjoying stitching on this piece again ... it's the perfect time of year to work on it ...

Jamie always asks the most thought provoking questions.  This week is no exception.  After giving it a bit of thought my answer came to me.  I wish to stretch my wings and do more for dogs.  Friday is last last day doing the group therapy and I really wish to find something to do with my spare time.  I haven't volunteered in years, and know it's my lifes calling.  I know I can do so much for the dogs in the shelters.  I'd be an asset the the shelter I'm going to be volunteering for.

I guess it's in rememberance of the four year anniversary of going down and helping out the Humane Society of LA. after hurricane Katrina.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  It wore me out physically, mentally and emotionally ... but spiritually it was the highest I've ever felt.  I remember saving a few lives while we were there and it was gratifying work.  I want that feeling back again ... although I do wish to forgo the other three parts.  I have to put a boundary up and not feel like I have to bring anyone home with me.  I'm perfectly satisfied with three mutts and don't want to get the pack back up to four.

Last week I also put a request out to the universe asking for a few more pet sitting jobs on and off.  Monday I got a call from a gentleman who got my phone number from the animal hospital I used to work at.  I was really surprised they actually had put my name on the list of pet sitters they recommend.  Unfortunately he needed someone to stay over night with his dogs and it's just not fesible for me to do at this time.  Not with three mutts of my own who sleep with me at night.  It got me thinking I need to come up with my fees and some paper work for the client to fill out.  Really got me happy ... so I'd like to stretch my wings out into the universe and put my request out there.  Both for my volunteer work (with my long term goal of going out to Dogtown for a week and working)  and to acquire a couple more pet sitting clients.