Trying to figure it all out....

My daughter and eleven month old granddaughter are making the six hour drive back to Virginia as I write. I, on the other hand, am left with a huge, empty spot where they were while here.

I'm trying to keep myself busy so I won't start to spiral into depression. Hence, a blog, a place to write down what's going on. To talk openly about my depression and anxiety and the on going healing journey I'm on.

I'm not sure what to do with myself now, there's an empty hole which I need to fill and I'm not so sure I know how to do it. I feel the tears welling up...but hold them back...afraid I won't be able to stop once it starts.

I put the toys away in the chest behind the couch, and emptied the refrigerator of the half filled baby food jars which were left. I can still smell "baby" in the house though and it makes me sad my little Amaya is gone.

Especially now with her changing so much from week to week. The next I'll see her is late September for her first birthday. Will she be walking by then? Will she remember who I am this time without taking a couple of hours to "warm up" to me? What new words or silly expressions will she have learned in those three weeks?

My girls left a couple hours ago and I'm missing them so much already.....